It seems that everyone has that one peak point in life.
A time they would often look back at, a time they truly miss.
"I wish I was 18 again" -- things like that.
A point in life where they truly think was the best.
Maybe a time where they felt significantly happier.
But that's not the case for me.
I saw someone tweeted about it, and I honestly tried to remember;
what was the best moment in my life? when was the highlight?
And I really can't remember. I truly can't distinguish that one significant moment which everyone seems to have.
Which got me thinking -- was I never happy?
It seems that all my life I was constantly waiting for a period of time to pass.
And so there was never really a moment which I truly celebrated.
Was I always this sad?
When did this started?
It's baffling because I really can't remember.
I was never truly happy when I was in school.
Not after I finished school either.
And now, I guess now I'm just living.
Detachment. That's why I'm never truly happy.
When I was a kid, I was easily prone to getting attached. And that hurt me.
When people leave, when promises are broken, I would get devastated and broken.
And then I learnt my lesson -- so that's when it started.
I got detached.
I started getting detached from people, from places, from memory.
I blocked all the feelings I used to feel and my mind keeps reminding me not to think too much about a certain someone or a specific memory.
And ever since, I've always been living the present. Getting through day by day, not wanting to remember the past.
So when someone says something like "I wish I were a kid again", I can never relate.
Because I don't want to.
I don't want to be a kid with so much feelings.
I don't want to be easily broken ever again.
I don't ever want to go back to any point in my life.
I guess I never had a peak point in my life.
Maybe I won't ever have, who knows.
Maybe to me, happiness is living in the moment.
Whatever happiness is, I wish I'll find mine someday.
